


running down to the riptide

by sympathique (orphan_account)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Major Character Injury, Mild Smut, Suicide, also bad description is bad, i keep thinking of mark's 'long ass ride' whenever i reread this fic and i want to cry, im usually better then this wtf, tbh its only like 2 sentences so most of you guys are good
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-06
Updated: 2016-09-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 11:25:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,387
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7975117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/sympathique
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He would do anything to keep Jeonghan happy.<br/>If only that was true.</p>
            </blockquote>





	running down to the riptide

**Author's Note:**

> NOTE: I am not trying to romanticize depression, suicide, or anything of that matter. If you're triggered by this then please don't read this!!
> 
> -
> 
> oK SO I WAS LISTENING TO RIPTIDE IN THE CAR BECAUSE LABOUR DAY IS A THING???? BUT YEAH I RECOMMEND LISTENING TO IT ON LOOP WHILE READING BECAUSE WHY NOT???? tbh this probably has 100000 errors so :v

Seungcheol admired the other man's face, listening tentatively as the other sang whimsically to the tune of his guitar. It was times like these that both of them enjoyed together. It was times like these where Seungcheol regretted going to college. He hated it. Ever since he had left to Seoul, their whole relationship started to deteriorate. It made the man clench his fist in disgust, his fingernails digging into his palm. There were still scars from previous days. Finally the singing stopped, as Seungcheol looked up to see Jeonghan smiling at him, one hand resting on the guitar, another in his own hair. It made Seungcheol happy to see his significant other smile, especially since he hadn't seen him do so in a while. But there was something off about it. Something he couldn't put a finger on.

  
A few small claps came from Seungcheol, as he stood up to kiss the other on the cheek. Jeonghan looked away, staring past the window to appreciate the waves crashing onto the cliff. They were both in Jeonghan's summer home for the season, as Seungcheol had come back from Seoul and Jeonghan had nothing else to do. Seungcheol followed the other's gaze, a bit worried. None of them had said anything more than five words to each other since yesterday morning. It was a bit worrying. Before Seungcheol had left, they would always joke around, whispering sweet nothings to each other at night. After a few moments, Jeonghan finally perked up, putting a hand to his chest.

  
"I sang that wrong, didn't I?" He muttered, slowly chuckling. Hey- that was six words right? At least they were getting somewhere.

  
"Yeah. I didn't want to mention it though." Seungcheol pulled up a chair, placing it near the other and sitting down on it, putting his head in their lap. They both grinned at each other, and Seungcheol quietly laughed to himself. A sigh quickly followed as Jeonghan began to play with the other's cheeks, his fingers dancing down his neck. The other closed his eyes, relaxing in his partner's lap. He felt the other's nails trail up and down his throat, stopping at his Adam's apple.

  
As soon as Seungcheol opened his eyes, he could see that Jeonghan was looking at the sea, yet again. The summer home was situated on top of a small cliff, the only way to get to the house was from following a small winding path, unable to reach by car. In front of the house was the sea, as it was located somewhere near Busan. Of course, they hadn't bought the small cottage, as houses were pricey. It was a gift left to him by Jeonghan's parents, who had died a few months earlier. It had been a dark time for the male, and Seungcheol hated to talk about it (as he was not there during that time, and didn't do enough to support the other).

  
Perhaps Seungcheol was a bad person for not checking up on his boyfriend from time to time. After all, it was his last year of college, and you would assume that he would take it easy after so many years of hard work. But that wasn't the case. Instead he studied his ass off, sometimes even sleeping with total strangers at 2 in the morning. Jeonghan didn't know that though- and he would never. Seungcheol would wake up early in the morning, finding an unknown stranger next to him. He would promptly kick them out before regretting all his decisions. He wouldn't describe himself as faithful- no. That was too strong, but he swore that he would do anything to keep Jeonghan happy. It was the stress that was getting to him, anyways. If the other ever did find out, he hoped that they would forgive him.

  
"Hey babe," Seungcheol muttered, Jeonghan's attention turning back to the man in his lap. He solemnly smiled, a simple 'what' escaping his mouth. "I've picked out a movie I think you'll like," Seungcheol began to describe, acting out a few hand motions. "This guy decides to quit his job and then heads to New York City. It's quite nice, actually. We should watch it tonight." He finished, smiling up at his boyfriend.

  
Jeonghan nodded, "Alright." He murmured, waiting for the other to stand up so he could get them both a cup of coffee (before the small guitar session, Jeonghan had prepared a few cups of coffee for both of them, and was just waiting for them to cool down). Now Seungcheol was left to his own thoughts, wondering what was so special about the tides. Obviously, they’re beautiful and enchanting, and he could probably stare at them all day- but what was so amazing that they would distract Jeonghan from even talking to him? Perhaps he was being greedy. Yes, this was probably the reason. Perhaps he was worrying too much. After all, they had spent a considerable time away from each other, and it would take a while for the other to warm back up to him.

The smell of fresh coffee slowly wades into the room, entrapping Seungcheol in its scent. It reminds him of his childhood, when his mother used to make a fresh batch for his father every morning, a warm smile caressing her face as they embraced for a moment, while his father left for work. It seemed almost unreal that this was what he and Jeonghan were doing now. As long as Jeonghan was happy, Seungcheol reminded himself, everything would be fine. Everything.

…

After a few more sessions of singing and playing with each other’s hair, they finally decide to sit down and watch the movie Seungcheol had described. It turns out the title of the movie is called ‘Midnight Cowboy’ and the only reason that he knows it is because Jisoo recommended it to him. Sadly it’s in English, but they can both live with Korean subtitles. It’s a fairly long movie- almost 2 hours. It gives them time to cuddle next to each other, Jeonghan putting his head on his partner’s chest while Seungcheol smiles like an idiot to himself.

It’s almost the end of the movie now, and Seungcheol can’t help but place his lips on the other’s mouth. He doesn’t move away (which is good for Seungcheol), but the elder can sense a bit of surprise. Before they know it they’re moaning out dirty words, stripping each other of their clothes. Jeonghan can’t help but smirk when he hears Seungcheol mutter ‘Dear lord- just fuck me already.’ Come out of the other’s mouth, and does exactly that.

The next morning is a mess. Seungcheol wakes up with a headache, his legs aching from the night before. He rolls over to the other side of the queen bed expecting to hit a body, but there’s nothing there. Just an empty space where Jeonghan should be. At first he thinks that Jeonghan has left for good. He’s gone. After all, it would be easy to just unlock Seungcheol’s phone and look at all his texts. But then again the man doesn’t do that- he places too much trust in the older one.

It takes a while for Seungcheol to pry himself off the bed, stumbling over himself why trying to find suitable clothes for the day. It’s a bit embarrassing that the summer home has so many windows. The house is basically covered in them, spanning from small to large. After changing in the bathroom, he comes back into the bedroom to set his old clothes aside. Looking out at the tides, they seem beautiful as always. It’s early in the morning as the sun still hasn’t fully risen. A small glimpse of sunlight can be seen over the horizon, as Seungcheol squints at a tiny figure sitting on the edge of the cliff.

Dear lord. It’s Jeonghan. The sudden realization hits him as he scrambles down the stairs, not bothering to slip on shoes as he slams open the wooden door. The rocky cliff feels weird against is feet, small rocks poking into his flesh, leaving scratches and marks as he runs towards the figure that seems to be getting closer. He manages to croak out the other’s name as he staggers towards him, trying his best to reach out and grab him.

Jeonghan turns around, a simple smile plastered onto his face. Seungcheol’s heart sinks, even more worried now. Wincing in pain, he checks his bare feet to see that both of them are bleeding, heavily. It doesn’t matter though. What really matters is Jeonghan. He would do anything to keep Jeonghan happy.

“Oh dear.” Jeonghan sighs, turning back to face the tides as soon as he sees Seungcheol’s bloody feet. “You should’ve put on some shoes. I’m not going anywhere at the moment.” He cocks his head to a side, smiling to himself. “I’m really sorry about this.” He hums, looking up at the sky just in time to see that the sun has fully risen. “I wish it didn’t have to be like this- I really do.” Shrugging, he dangles is feet against the edge of the cliff. The tides come crashing against the rock, spraying sea water against his face. The fall is about 65 ft, with a couple of rocks at the bottom. Someone could certainly die if they fell off and hit the rocks in the process.

“No. Please.” Seungcheol begs, his voice cracking as tears start to well up in his eyes. He’s not one to cry, but this is where he breaks. “Why?” Another question, something that probably has already been answered. “Why are you doing this?” And then the tears start falling. He hates being weak. It makes him feel so inferior. Why couldn’t they just be a happy couple? Why couldn’t everything be like last summer?

A pregnant pause surrounds the two before Jeonghan changes the subject, still not facing Seungcheol. “I found your ring,” Not _our_ ring, **_your_** ring. “But you keep forgetting. We could never marry.” The tone of his voice is soft, and it’s suddenly very eerie. No one says anything for a while, and Seungcheol takes it as a chance to say something. Of course he’s surprised- he was planning on proposing on the last day of summer. He had planned everything out. All his dreams were focused around the event- it was what he lived for. How did he find it? It was in his back pocket, the last time he remembered.

Was it last night? Probably. It must’ve fallen out of his pocket while he was too busy throwing off his clothes. Damn, what a fool he was.

“Please.” Seungcheol pleads yet again. His feet are numb, already staining the rocks a crimson red. The only thing that’s on his mind is saving Jeonghan. Dear god, it’s the only thing that fucking matters. He tries to take a step forward, but is met with a searing pain that has now awoken in his feet. Goddammit- He hated everything, this, the cliff, the tides, the house. Why couldn’t Jeonghan be happy?

Jeonghan abruptly stood up, surprising the other as he took a step back. “Let’s talk about something else. It’s awfully awkward here, don’t you think.” It was as if Jeonghan was controlling the other, as Seungcheol found himself nodding in agreement. “Yeah, I thought so.” And Seungcheol smiled. “The movie last night was amusing.  A bit old, but I can see why Jisoo recommended it to you. He usually likes old movies.” Ah. So that was proof that Jeonghan had searched through his phone.

He was such an idiot.

“It reminds me of us. You know?” Jeonghan looked to the side, clasping both of his hands together. “If only you… Never mind.” He shook his head, a small snicker coming from him. “I left a note you know. Could’ve read it before changing. It was on the desk though, don’t think you would’ve noticed it.” Turning to face Seungcheol one last time, he walked towards him, placing a kiss on his cheek. Seungcheol didn’t move. He wished he did, but he didn’t. “Goodbye.” They both muttered, a small sob coming from the older one.

“I love you.” Jeonghan whispered as he walked calmly to his demise.

…

There was no saving him. Announced dead on arrival. Seungcheol blamed the ambulance. It had took them more than 30 minutes to arrive to the cliff, and a few hours to tell him that Jeonghan had stopped working. He watched as Jeonghan’s siblings and relatives flocked to the hospital room, everyone a sobbing mess while Seungcheol sat in the corner of the hospital, desperately hoping that someone would come in and stab him in the heart. Just like Jeonghan had did to him.

When he finally returned back to the cottage, everything seemed peacefully like before. His feet still ached, but he could make it to the bedroom. Sitting down in the chair that Jeonghan once said looked like a cat’s head, Seungcheol picked up the note that sat in the middle of the desk.

 

_To my dearest,_

_Isn’t it a bit sad that I left on such a short notice? Sorry about that. Chances is that you probably overlooked this note. Thank god someone was here to remind you. That movie was great. Please tell Jisoo to take care of himself and remember to thank him for picking out such a great movie. Sorry if I caused you to hurt. Last night was fun though. I hope we can do it again some time._

_Oh yeah. You’re probably thinking about why I’m writing all this. Why did I leave? That stuff. I’m a bad explainer, you know this. I guess there isn’t a specific reason. I don’t want to act all stupid and make up all this drama shit. You seemed so happy yesterday- I didn’t want to spoil it for you._

_Oh. Yeah, I saw your texts. It’s fine though. I forgive you. You never meant to._

_Is there anything else? I don’t know. Your snoring is pretty loud though. You look so peaceful in bed. I’m sorry (yet again) that I’m leaving. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I love you. Please take care of yourself._

_I love you._

_Please remember me._

_Sincerely, Jeonghan._

**Author's Note:**

> whOOOOThat was a long ass ride how bout that (literally ok)
> 
> honestly idk like this fic it makes me feel like i could do much better sINCE I EXPLAINED ZERO SHIT  
> tbh might make another chapter just to explain everything siNCE I DID SUCH A B A D job


End file.
